How do you tell when you should flee something you fear (as tina fled from Stan) and when you should face it (as Oliver finally did when his firm was audited)? The answer lies in your essential self, which wants what it wants, even if it’s scared. The rule is to follow your desire. If fear and desire give the same instructions, run away. If fear and desire give opposite instructions, feel your fear and stand your ground.
In other words, you should run from anything that scares you and holds absolutely no appeal for your essential self. If the thought of attending medical school makes you queasy with dread and you’ve never for one second wanted to be a doctor, stay away from medical school. I don’t care if your aprents donated their life savings, their spare kidneys, and your little brother to Johns Hopkins in the hop that you will become an M.D.; your fear and your desire are both telling you that it will never happen. Spare yourself the long scenic road to failure. Run. Now.
On the other hand, there will be many instances when fear and desire point in opposite directions. You want something, but you’re scared to go for it. In fact, if you really set out to pursue your heart’s desires, you’re pretty much guaranteed to feel a lot of fear: fear of failure, fear of commitment, fear of competition, even fear of success. This kind of fear–the fear that accompanies desire–is something you must face, not flee, to reach your own North Star. Put your desires above your fears. Stop running and face it, whatever it is.
Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck
HEWS of LOVE 