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My recovery program emphasized forgiveness. There is a collective understanding within the sober community that serenity is a must-have and forgiveness is nonnegotiable. The core belief system is based on surrender and detachment from our old ways of being. This group and these principles offered a powerful bridge back to life.

One of their primary suggestions was to get on my knees and pray (PRAY!!!). I had no idea to whom or what I was praying, and I felt totally odd getting on my knees. But I wanted what they had, so I did what they did. I got on my knees every morning and every night and recited their suggested prayer. At first this ritual felt awkward, but with time I grew to like it. I felt I was making a commitment while connecting to a power greater than myself. I began to feel a lot physically while praying. At times I literally felt as though someone were standing above me, gently pressing me down as I prayed. I took this as a sign that I needed to stay down and keep praying.

Praying for myself became a daily practice. I asked for guidance, serenity, and peace. I asked for another day clean. This was difficult at first because I was so angry at myself for how I’d treated my body, my family, and my friends. I had a lot of clean up to do. The people in my recovery program guided me to take a fearless inventory of my actions and recognize my shortcomings. Then they led me to release them to a higher power, aka God. The terminology behind this recovery work was new to me, but I was open to it nonetheless. Though I had no relationship with this “God,” I was open and willing to learn. My recovery program reinforced that we could create a “God of our own understanding.” This theory was much easier for me to wrap my head around. I always intuitively felt that there was something out there looking after me —- a greater power. For years I’d felt this presence, but had no idea how to define it or consciously connect to it. I was relieved to know that all the guidance, energy, and intuition I’d felt throughout my life wasn’t crazy after all.

To create a deeper connection with the Higher Power, I was guided to strengthen my practice of self-love and forgiveness. A major step in this process was to boldly assess my negative patterns. This process was profound for me. By taking inventory I came to understand fear was a common cause of most of my issues. Fear of being alone, fear of not being about good enough–the list goes on. Fear sat in the director’s chair, calling the shots. Once I understood that fear had been in control, it was easier for me to forgive my past. I was able to honor myself for doing the best I could with an ego that had taken over my mind like a virus. I knew now that I had a disease in my mind. By praying for the release of these defects I was able to slowly begin to let go of the anger I felt toward myself. I was able to see myself with love for the first time in a long time.

Spirit Junkie, Gabrielle Bernstein

Facing Fear

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How do you tell when you should flee something you fear (as tina fled from Stan) and when you should face it (as Oliver finally did when his firm was audited)? The answer lies in your essential self, which wants what it wants, even if it’s scared. The rule is to follow your desire. If fear and desire give the same instructions, run away. If fear and desire give opposite instructions, feel your fear and stand your ground.

In other words, you should run from anything that scares you and holds absolutely no appeal for your essential self. If the thought of attending medical school makes you queasy with dread and you’ve never for one second wanted to be a doctor, stay away from medical school. I don’t care if your aprents donated their life savings, their spare kidneys, and your little brother to Johns Hopkins in the hop that you will become an M.D.; your fear and your desire are both telling you that it will never happen. Spare yourself the long scenic road to failure. Run. Now.

On the other hand, there will be many instances when fear and desire point in opposite directions. You want something, but you’re scared to go for it. In fact, if you really set out to pursue your heart’s desires, you’re pretty much guaranteed to feel a lot of fear: fear of failure, fear of commitment, fear of competition, even fear of success. This kind of fear–the fear that accompanies desire–is something you must face, not flee, to reach your own North Star. Put your desires above your fears. Stop running and face it, whatever it is.

Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck

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May we hear only what is good for all.
May we see only what is good for all.
May we serve you, Lord of Love, all our life.
May we be used to spread your peace on earth.

O M shanti shanti shanti

Sukesha, Satyakama, and Gargya,
Kausalya, Bhargava, and Kabndhi,
Who were all seeking Self-realization,
Approached with love sage Pippalada
For his guidance on the spiritual path.

The sage told them: “Live with me for one year,
Practicing sense-restraint and complete trust.
Ask me questions at the end of the year,
And I will answer them if I can.”

After a year Kabandhi asked the sage:
“Master, who created the universe?”

The sage replied:
“The Lord meditated and brought forth prana
With rayi, the giver of name and form:
Male and female, so that they would bring forth
Innumerable creatures for him.

“Prana is the sun; rayi is the moon.
Master is soldi, matter is subtle;
Rayi therefore is present everywhere.

“The sun gives light and life to all who live,
East and west, north and south, above, below;
It is the prana of the universe.

“The wise see the Lord of Love in the sun,
Rising in all its golden radiance
To give its warmth and light and life to all.

“The wise see the Lord of Love in the year,
Which has two paths, the northern and the southern.
Those who observe outward forms of worship
And are content with personal pleasures
Travel after death by the southern path,
The path of the ancestors and of the rayi,
To the lunar world, and are born again.

“But those who seek the Self through meditation,
Self-discipline, wisdom, and faith in God
Travel after death by the northern path,
The path of prana, to the solar world,
Supreme refuge, beyond the reach of fear
And free from the cycle of birth and death.

“Some look upon the sun as our father
Who makes life possible with heat and rain
And divides time into months and seasons.
Other have seen him riding in wisdom
On his chariot, with seven colors
As horses and six wheels to represent
The whirling spokes of time.

“The wise see the Lord of Love in the month;
Rayi is the dark half, prana is the bright.
The wise worship in the light of wisdom,
Others in the darkness of ignorance.

“The wise see the Lord of Love in the day;
Rayi is the dark night, prana daylight.
Those who use their days for sexual pleasure
Consume prana, the very stuff of life;
But mastered, sex becomes a spiritual force.

“The wise see the Lord of Love in all food;
From food comes seed, and from seed all creatures.
They take the lunar path who live for sex;
But those who are self-controlled and truthful
Will go to the bright regions of the sun.

“The bright world of Brahman can be attained
Only by those who are pure and true,
Only by those who are pure and true.”

The Breath of Life, The Prashna Upanishad

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I thought a lot about that. There were people like Reverend Jermiah Wright who caused trouble for Barack because of things they’d said or done in the past but refused to lay low, even when it was clear they were hurting the case. I was happy to play the back and not draw attention to myself. I didn’t need to be onstage or in every picture with him. I just wanted him to win.

But he did eventually call me and ask me to help. It was in the fall of the year and he told me he wanted to close it out like Jordan. So I did a bunch of free shows all over the country before the election to encourage young people to register to vote. I wasn’t surprised at the historically low rate of voting among young black people because I’d been there myself. But I had to make it clear to them: If you want shit to get better in your neighborhood, you have to be the one who puts the guy in office. If you vote for him, he owes you. That’s the game—it’s a hustle. But even aside from all that, I told people, this election is bigger than politics. As cliche as it might sound, it was about hope.

Decoded 

Jay – Z

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“You confuse everything…You’ve got it all mixed up!” He was really very annoyed. He tossed his golden curls in the wind. “I know a planet inhabited by a red-faced gentleman. He’s never smelled a flower. He’s never looked at a star. He’s never loved anyone. He’s never done anything except add up numbers. And all day long he says over and over, just like you, ‘I’m a serious man! I’m a serious man!’ And that puffs him up with pride. But he’s not a man at all-he’s a mushroom!”

“He’s a what?”

“A mushroom!” The little prince was now quite pale with rage. “For millions of years flower have been producing thorns. For millions of years sheep have been eating them all the same. And it’s not serious, trying to understand why flowers go to such trouble to produce thorns that are good for nothing! It’s not important, the war between the sheep and the flowers? It’s no more serious and more important than the numbers that fat red gentleman is adding up? Suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exists nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, without even realizing what he’s doing–that isn’t important?” His face turned red now, and he went on. “If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among all the millions and millions of stars, that’s enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars. He tells himself, ‘My flower’s up there somewhere…’ But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it’s as if, suddenly, all the stars went out. And that isn’t important?”

The Little Prince 

Antoine De Saint-Exupery